


Whisk Until Peaks Form

by JHopeissoOMG



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - The Great British Bake Off Fusion, Baking, M/M, Reality TV, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28884804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JHopeissoOMG/pseuds/JHopeissoOMG
Summary: When Corpse drunkenly records himself baking and mocking the skills of last seasons group of contestants at 2 am, he doesn't expect anything to come of it, or even to remember it the next morning.Yet here he finds himself, in a plush meadow waiting to enter the tent for the first time.As the baking competition heats up will Corpse be able to rise to the occasion or melt under the simmering looks he shares with his fellow contestant, Sykkuno.Otherwise known as The Great British Bake Off // OTV & Friends AU that no one asked for.
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 147





	Whisk Until Peaks Form

Of all the questionable decisions Corpse has made in his life, this one tops the list. As he takes in the pastel colors surrounding him, the tepid cream and beige cloth that covers all available walls and windows, and the loud, nervous chatter of the people circling him, Corpse ponders which particular mistake he made that directed him here amid a Pinterest board nightmare.

In actuality, he knows exactly what got him here. Boredom, annoyance, and spite.

He applied as a joke. After a long night out drinking with Jack and Dave, he’d retired back to his apartment, collapsed onto the couch, and hit “resume playing” on the episode of Great British Bake Off he’d been halfway through. It took mere minutes for him to get worked up over the absolute lack of planning the bakers put toward today’s challenge. How many times do you have to be told not to decorate a cake before it was fully cooled?! You have to add that extra cooling time into your overall baking time, any pleb who’s made cupcakes would know that! Thirteen seasons into the show, and people were still consistently being chosen who did not know a Battenberg from a Banoffee Pie. It was offensive really. He could do better while drunk at 2 am - and he would tell them that in his application.

He did. And now this is the mess he’s in.

He’d tried to have his selection revoked. There were rounds of interviews and questions about his personal life that he did his best to bomb spectacularly. Had he less pride in his baking, he could have easily stepped away and come up with an excuse for why he applied in the first place but he could never fail his bakes on purpose. It was the principal of the thing. Interviews could be persistently thrown but every time they asked him to do a practice bake, he dedicated his whole heart to it.

He tried to use his personality to get out of it, acting a little gruffer and grumpier than he honestly is, pulling his scariest mask, the one with the teeth, on before every production meeting in the hopes that the family-friendly producers would relinquish their effort to get him on the show. It only spurred on their investment in him more. He was a “character,” they decided. Just polite enough to not be an asshole but darker and more standoffish than the usual Bake Off contestant. The production coordinator, a woman named Hafu, had deemed him this season’s “handsome goth” and he couldn’t deny being lowkey pleased with the moniker. When he finally came clean and told them his full-time job was music production and not actually dragging souls to the pit of hell to be judged, that was all it took. Two hours later he was confirmed.

Being deemed the default standoffish contestant had its perks, one of which Corpse enacts immediately upon arrival at the first taping. He plans to keep to himself, be polite when spoken to and not actively rude, but overall ignore most of the people on the show with him. The more aloof he seems, the less likely anyone is to approach him and start a mindless conversation and the more time he has to quietly observe his competition. He may not want to be on the show but goddamn he loves winning.

His plan lasts for all of ten minutes before a woman grabs his arm and guides him through the meadow and toward the cloth entrance to the Bake Off tent.

“There you are!” She exclaims, taking his arm in a vice grip, almost as though she worries he will slither away. “Everyone else is inside getting acquainted! We’re going to give you all some time to get to know each other while we film some group B-Roll before beginning the first taping.”

Corpse nods along as she speaks, too overwhelmed to ask any of the questions going through his head.

“I’m Hafu by the way, we spoke over Zoom a few times? Good to meet you in person, you’re even more delightfully charming and brooding than I thought. That’s a compliment, by the way.”

Corpse nods again, transfixed by how quickly she navigates him through the throngs of cameras and members of the production. She stops a few feet from the tent itself, finally dropping his arm.

“Okay, head right through there. If you need anything, ask one of the PA’s to get me and I’ll see what I can do. I’m production coordinator this season, so let me know if you have any requests.”

As Hafu begins to turn away, Corpse calls out to her.

“Wait!”

She turns back to him, eyes open wide upon realizing she hasn’t heard his voice until that moment. She doesn’t ask questions though, doesn’t jump in to immediately comment on it, so Corpse assumes off the bat she can’t be that bad.

“The mask. I, uh, I keep it on. If you can, I’d really prefer it if you only used footage of it on. Just in case I have to take it off for whatever reason, I…I just have so-“

“Let me stop you there,” Hafu interrupts. “You don’t need to explain anything. I’ll let my camera guys know. You need to take it off for any reason, you tell someone to get me and I’ll make sure there’s no footage, I’m not here to ruin anyone’s life.”

Corpse nods, smirking under the mask. At least there’s one cool person around here.

As Hafu winks at him and heads off, Corpse finds himself standing in front of the entrance to the Bake Off set. Readying himself, he pushes his nerves to the side, along with the door, and wanders in to meet his fellow contestants.

As things always seem to do, all eyes turn to fall on him as he walks in.

Corpse straightens himself, quickly glancing around the room to take it in and access the layout.

“Uh – hello.” He says, watching as eyes go wide when he speaks.

“WOAH! Bro, your voice fuckin rules,” comes from a dude who looks a lot like Jesus. Corpse would put money on he’s the ‘blue-collar-straight-dude-who’s-a-secret-softy’ for this season.

“Thanks, man.”

“He’s right! You have a very nice voice!” Pipes up a tiny woman in the middle of the group, all smiles. “I’m Rae! I think you’re the last one to show, so we’re all here now!” She exclaims, hands clapping together in excitement.

“Oh. Uh, yeah. Cool. Cool.” Corpse mutters out, doing his best to seem detached and aloof despite absolutely freaking out.

Rae turns the conversation back to the group, asking some to repeat their names for everyone. She seems to have filled the ‘super-friendly-with-everyone’ trope this season and Corpse finds himself already cool with her since she didn’t badger him more than necessary. He takes the time Rae spends introducing everyone to zone out a little and assess the other 11 contestants around him.

There are the obligatory young people, one so young Corpse nicknames him ‘Fetus’ in his head. Karl, he thinks, is his actual name. But Karl sounds too much like the name of someone’s grandad, not an excitable kid going to culinary arts school. Corpse lets his eyes pause on every single one. The most serious candidate to be considered for competition is a guy named Toast, who owns his own bakery. Corpse may have the advantage when it comes to baking but bread is a weakness of his. Immediately he knows this Toast guy is one to watch.

Others float in and out of his vision and he stacks them up in his head by how much of a threat they might be. There is a pretty girl named Tina, whom he deems ‘Anxious Mess,’ and a tall guy in glasses named Peter, who makes approximately five baking-themed sexual innuendos within 10 minutes. Then there is Lily, a girl he dubs the ‘creative oddball’ of the season, who continually mentions she has a dog, and a woman named Leslie who, since Corpse entered the room, apparently has yet to realize she’s been singing to herself.

Corpse isn’t quite sure if he should be glad his competition seems entirely odd and beatable or if he should be depressed because these are the people he’ll be forced to spend the next few weeks tolerating.

The group continues the idle chat, asking one another about their lives back home and day jobs. Fetus is, unsurprisingly, still in college. Straight Guy Who Bakes works for Waste Management. The singing girl is, apparently, a Twitch musical artist, which Corpse can respect. It isn’t until a voice quietly mutters out, “Florist, sort of. I own it, and uh, I run it too so I guess, yeah. I’m not that great at it though,” that Corpse bothers looking up to pay attention.

The voice comes from the person Corpse had already nicknamed, ‘Hot Nerd.’ He is roughly Corpse’s height, though Corpse’s combat boots gave him a slight edge, with dark hair stylishly set over his forehead. His right hand is nervously scratching the back of his neck. While everyone else probes Hot Nerd on his life, Corpse instead uses the time to take in his appearance: dark skinny jeans, black converse, and a crew neck green sweater. It’s simple, understated, and shows off his lithe frame and delicate hands. Florist “of sorts” immediately makes sense to Corpse as this guy has a grace about him, a certain softness, that in his mind goes hand in hand with wedding floral arrangements and flower petals.

He studies Hot Nerd for another few moments, realizing that he never caught his real name, when his pondering is interrupted by Brooke, this season’s ‘Talented and Gorgeous’ contestant.

“What about you?” She asks, as the group tears their eyes away from Hot Nerd and shift their gazes onto him. Corpse freezes for a moment, barely huffing out a “huh?” as Brooke continues. At least Hot Nerd looks more comfortable now that the attention is off him. Capable, hard-working, soft, and a bit shy then. Corpse files those traits away in his mental list under every contestant.

“What does the mysterious man in black do, aside from applying for reality baking competitions?” She asks with laughter in her voice.

“My money is on something cool like Ghost Hunting.” Pipes up the fetus, eyes wide with excitement.

“Nah, man, he’s too cool looking for him to have a cool guy job. He’s probably a goddamn accountant or something,” Straight Who Bakes jokes.

“Hitman,” offers a tall guy Corpse has named ‘Big Brain’ in his head. He introduces himself as Edison, as in Thomas, and mentions his schooling twice, so Corpse figures he’s gotta be the smart guy of the season. Which is ironic, considering his guess is the fucking dumbest one yet.

“I’m sort of between jobs at the moment,” Corpse says, feigning confidence. “Ferrying the dead across the River Styx was just a summer job.”

The room is silent for a moment before Hot Nerd starts giggling. Corpse’s eyes fly to him immediately as he giggles and shifts to cover his mouth with his hand. Shit. Adorable.

Everyone else seems to figure out it’s a joke once the florist starts laughing and they begin chuckling along, quelling Corpse’s nerves.

“Actually, I produce music for a small label. My best friends own a coffee shop so, when I’m bored or stressed and have time, I bake things and they sell them there. Haven’t seen any ghosts or killed anyone. Not lately, at least,” Corpse finishes, quirking his eyebrow at the group. He’s got to maintain at least a small bit of mystery.

“Wow. You are so cool, dude!” The fetus exclaims, and Corpse immediately feels guilty for not remembering his name. Kenneth or Kirk or some shit like that. He seems genuinely interested, so Corpse figures he’s better be nice to the kid since coming off as an asshole isn’t in his best interests. And isn’t who he is as a person.

“Thanks, man. I’m not any cooler than you but I appreciate it.”

Corpse sticks his fist out to the kid to bump as a sign of friendship, and the fetus’ eyes light up like it’s Christmas fucking day. His fist pops out to bump Corpse’s and he can’t help but chuckle at the kid’s excitement.

Idle chatter continues as Toast begins to grill Charlie, the Jesus looking guy, about his favorite type of baking. Everyone slowly splits off into small groups, comparing lives and marital statuses, until Corpse finds himself alone, drifting in the middle of everyone. He’s used to this, people often struggle with how to start a conversation with him. He can’t blame them, seeing as he does everything in his power to keep to himself, but it’s still a little sobering. He contemplates awkwardly joining one of the conversations around him when he looks up to see who is most approachable and catches the eye of Hot Nerd. Or rather, Hot Nerd catches his eye because holy shit, he was 100% staring at Corpse before Corpse even looked his way.

The florist’s eyes go wide upon meeting Corpse’s but he doesn’t look away. Instead, he offers a small, almost indistinguishable closed mouth smile and shakes his fingers just enough to be considered a wave. Corpse can’t help but feel drawn in, and three steps later he stands in front of him.

“Corpse.” He says, offering his hand to shake.

Hot Nerd’s eyes grow somehow wider as he looks down at the hand in front of him. Slowly he reaches his own up to meet it and Corpse immediately feels a jolt to his system. His hand is soft, like Corpse originally imagined, but Corpse can feel the coarseness of a bandage across one finger and a scar on the side of his hand. Florist makes sense. His hands are soft but textured like he’s come afoul of one too many thorns. Corpse wonders if his personality matches his hands.

“Sykkuno.”

His voice is loud, louder than he likely usually speaks to be heard over the hum of the conversations around him, but still has an inherent suppleness.

Corpse is about to ask Sykkuno something, anything, just to quell any awkwardness, but Hafu enters the room and begins announcements at that very moment. He drops Sykkuno’s hand to turn and stand to his right, unaware of how Sykkuno flexes his fingers a few times after losing his touch.

“Alright, everyone! We’ve recorded a bit of all of you meeting one another so now we’re going to call you out, one by one, for promo photos and to get a few reactions to things thus far. Then we’ll break for lunch and start filming our first episode!”

A cheer goes up in the tent as Hafu motions for her assistant and starts plucking people from the group to head off with different cameramen. Sykkuno is tapped on the shoulder by the set photographer, Brodin, and he quickly smiles at Corpse before waving goodbye and heading out.

Half the group remains in the room, watching the others outside have their photos taken positioned in front of duck filled ponds and gorgeous trees.

Hafu’s assistant returns to the room with an armful of colored cloths. Abe, he introduces himself as, begins divvying them out to the remaining members of the group. Corpse is the last to have an apron placed in his hands and sighs loudly as he looks down.

Pastel pink.

They definitely planned this juxtaposition out.

Corpse rolls his eyes as he pulls the apron on over his black long sleeve, tying it in the back as he looks around the room to eye the colors of the other contestants and attempting to spot which counter is his. He spies it, right in the back of the room, a mint green countertop to his immediate right. He scans the room looking to see who he’s going to be next to for the rest of the day, only to find no one. Peering out the plastic windows of the tent, he spies Hafu tying a mint apron around someone’s waist as she speaks and spinning the contestant around for a photo when she’s done.

Sykkuno.

This is going to be a long few weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> Strap in folks because this is going to be a long one. 
> 
> Each chapter will be followed by a mini-chapter in which the hosts of Extra Slice (a real post Bake Off talk show in which the hosts talk about the episode with celeb fans and ex-contestants) will be summarizing things and talking about our contestants. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy who gets revealed as our Extra Slice hosts later because I'm very much looking forward to writing them!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!  
> If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, I am @JHopeissoOMG  
> Please do not share anything I write on any other site or with the people I write about.  
> 


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